Grill Wilson

Welcome to the exciting world of Keanu Reeves!

The chompers of Keanu Reeves.  If you stare at them long enough your eyes will orgasm.

When I hear the last name “Reeves” I think of Christopher Reeves, not Keanu.  The only difference I see between the two actors is that Christopher is Superman of Metropolis and Keanu is a Superman of the grills.  The actors have a lot in common, for example Christopher couldn’t feel anything below his neck and Keanu can’t feel anything above his neck.  That is the only explanation for the pain-inducing grills Keanu makes during… Johnny Mnemonic!

This grillz isn’t top notch, just normal mode – “The Blank Expression” by K.Reeves.  I just wanted to show off how great Keanu’s sideburns are… or lack thereof.  They are about as flat as his acting career until the Wachowski Brothers gave him ring.  So Keanu wakes up in a futuristic, corporate run caste-based society… something to look blank about.

Ah, the Internet!  Before I get to the grillz I wanted to point out how 90′s movies LOVED portraying the Internet as an endless cyber city.  Hackers and Lawnmower Man did this as well.

There he meets some nice Asian guys. Yes, that guy has long, beautiful hair!  Oh, and look at this!  A two for one!  There is ANOTHER guy in the background with a pony tail!  No, make that a stallion tail.

Oh!  What happened!  My main man is pissed now!  He is worried that Keanu might be hurt by their data.  And his buddy Kame-Six-Pack is staring right into the camera.

I think Keanu is getting his annual prostate check during his colonoscopy.  Sounded like a good idea at the time. So, Keanu has 90 GBs of storage space in his head.  He then gets 320 GBs downloaded into his brain… hence this grill.  I find this funny since nowadays 320 GBs can easily fit on a notebook hard drive, let alone in 2021.

Here are the bad guys.  From left to right we have slick, shades, caterpillar eyebrows, and captain mean muggin’.  Sucks that slick is cut off screen….

…oh wait, here is slick again and he looks PISSED!!

The bad guys are not so pleased with this guy.  Wow, just noticed how great his glasses are too.

I guess it is easy to intimidate long-haired Asian men when you grab their chin with your thumb.

Caterpillar eyebrows doesn’t seem so bad after all!

Keanu is upset by his Asian buddies dying… this was his reaction.  I think they put this scene in the movie so Keanu could get an Oscar Nomination.  Sadly, he did not.

Enter Keanu’s bodyguard in the movie.  She looks like a victim of the Joker’s laughing gas. This is that chick that got naked in Starship Troopers.

Here we have actor Udo Kier smashing his tongue into some chicks’ tongue as they are hugged by a giant transsexual.  Hope the Oscar committee didn’t miss this scene.

Here Keanu is pissed because the bad guys are after him.  You can see the sadness in Udo’s eyes… “why did you take me away from making out with that chick and hanging out with that transsexual?”

Keanu shows his bodyguard his beautiful orthodontic work.

Udo is concerned by caterpillar eyebrows.

These concerns were well placed.

Oops… looks like Udo split in two.  Looks like burnt ham or something.

Right, in 2021 we will surf the internet in a 3D world.  Don’t forget your steel lab coat or your menacing prison-like surroundings.

Keanu facepalms himself because his AOL account has be inactive for 25 years and his inbox is stuffed with 156,921 penis enlargement spam messages.  He looked at every one of them, sadly no growth yet.

Yes, Henry Rollins is in this movie looking like the angry, buff geek he is.  That vein in his neck got so big it detached from his body and got a studio apartment in Jersey City.  It writes Henry occasionally.

What?! No one told me Dolph Lundgren was in this move! Look at his long-flowing, Fabio-esque locks! Who cares about this movie’s plot anymore with strands of pure gold like that!

This guy thinks Dolph’s hair is great!!

Henry thinks his locks are great toooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Sorry, guys, “I ran out of conditioner!!!”

First Dolph and now Ice-T?!  What have I done to deserve such a great cast?  On second thought I think Ice-T is just the skinny and less angry Ice Cube… not sure why he is drawn to such bad movies either.  For example he was the tough-guy-kangaroo-monster in Tank Girl.

Ice-T is from the streets and I am not sure if it is the Anarchy symbol on his head or his mean grill that really acknowledges it the best.

Keanu can go from blank to grillz in 2.8 seconds…

This is the best shot in the history of Keanu.  Imagine if this is what he looked like in the Matrix…

Neo: “Whoa…”

- Silvermania

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1. I was just skimming through this baby once more. Keanu’s got some killer grills, man! And does… does Henry Rollins have dolphin teeth?

   Comment by christoph — 2010.06.30 #

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